August 3, New Haven

August 3, New Haven I guessed Eric was still sleeping.young men have young dreams. I left a note for him on the table.there are many stops along the way. you are a beautiful one,thank you, Eric. I walked to the entrance of south 95. A car stopped.the driver told me he was going to downtown of Providence. Any distance is helpful. I asked him that he may drop me on a entrance little bit out of town, so I may get better chance for next lift. His name is Tonny, he gave me a CD , he is the manager of the band.The music is very active, sounds like rock & roll style. Some singers's voices are excellent. I think it is wonderful music. the car went into the downtown and passed the downtown. we were running toward my destination. here was Connecticut, I entered into a new state. Tonny drove me so far because he "couldn't " find any place to let me out. Surely along the road we passed many exits and entrances. Tonny is not only driver who "couldn't" find the place to drop me.James picked me up in Sacramento when i was on the way back home from Reno Nevada. he was going to Yuba city to pick his kids for weekend. he drove me until Clearlake Oaks, it is more than 70 miles beyond his destination. he just couldn't leave me on roadside by myself, he just couldn't drop me in the rain, he just tried to drive me closer to my home. when i got out of car, i had three hamburgers and a raincoat and couple dollars in pmy hands.That was half year ago,I went to Reno,i wanted to see the city that Christopher lives in and feel him from there. my heart received full love when i came back, it was not from Christopher, it was from my drivers. James is in my prayer until now, my eyes are in tears when i am typing this story. May God bless James and his kids! Tonny couldn't find place to drop me because his eyes were covered by God. God blessed him with love in his heart and covered his eyes. Finally Tonny stopped in a gas station near a town, he bought some water and milk for me. we hate to say goodbye, but we have to sometimes. someone only wanted to go to downtown, but he drove me until another state. God is graceful, His love is big. we are all in God, we never can separate in God, so don't be afraid to say goodbye. let us be blessings for each other when we meet. I got a ride in a yellow truck, his name is Skip.Skip is a such happy person,I felt cheerful and relax able with him. he asked me to write him in my book, "remember, my name is Skip,drive a yellow truck." he told me when i got out. write Skip in my book,that is what i am doing right now.i am happy to write a happy person in my book. once a while, every morning when my husband Sean woke up, i did this same routine: i showed him two fingers: today you have two choices: to be happy or unhappy. which do you like to choose? we are married for 6 years.I have been trying all ways to help him to be a happy person.From time to time,Sean is attacked by negative thoughts. and then he releases it through his mouth. we all know that murderers are bad guys, we put them in jail, and even judge them to death. if your neck often holds a long face,your face often holds a mouth same as grave yard, you might have already killed or will kill a person. your mood would effect your family, friends, and anyone you meet. that sadness would increase the degree of possible illness, that would cut short their lives.if your face and your mouth reduce 5% time of each one, you have killed a life if there are 20 people effected by you. you may think you are good, but you are a killer, a murderer.you may meet hundreds, thousands of people during your life long, so you can kill 5,10,or more lives.the murderers are bad? most of them killed only one, but you are a serial murderer. so I watch my face and wash my mouth every day, even i am hitchhiker, a street performer, sometimes a street sleeper. Bible tells us "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" joice one time is not enough, we should " rejoice", even two times is still not enough, say it again, rejoice. so we should joice 4 times. i am still far away from God's will about joice.i am willing to receive God's grace. A happy heart is good medicine, a happy heart is God's medicine too. Bible tells us "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." we should be delight first, and then receive God's blessings.not in opposite sequence. if we are not delight,God may not give us what we want. Skip is blessed. i am blessed for having a happy ride with him. Skip dropped me in New Haven. This was my destination today. My mind kept thinking to find place to stay for the night, so i simply stopped at a street corner to play flute. while i was working, i hanged the sign looking for a couch. A lady Nicole gave me a brochure titled Green Sheet. she asked me "Do you know Columbus House?' that's shelter. i checked shelters on computer before I headed on road. at the begining, i felt guilty for staying at shelter. i did not pay anything, only eat, sleep. that is different from staying someone's home, i always help my host to clean house, cook or gardening or anything i can give a hand.i am happy for this exchange and enjoy the friendship.with gratitude my heart is more balance and comfortable on such situation. when i stayed at shelter, my heartfelt thanks was mixed with a debt.what i could do was that i lifted a prayer: God, please bless me with ablity, some day i will payback to help all homeless shelters. we are lucky to live in this great country,it has such organization to shelter the needy.the USA is blessed by God, we are blessed for being her citizen. my heartfelt thanks to all shelters i stayed. some of them made my heartbroken. strict and complex regulations, argument... , this experience made me tired of shelters, somewhat. so except couchsurffing, i keep trying more ways to find sleeping place or thinking to sleep outside. well, Nicole is beautiful young lady, she passed by here, she saw me. i was excited to have a place to sleep for tonight. even i know that is shelter. i gave her a big hug. Nicole told me i may go there at 3pm. there is form in the Green Sheet brochure, it listed the addresses and time for free meals. i heard there no such thing as a free lunch. Who said that? Green sheet said there are lunch and breakfast and dinner for free. It passed 12 o'clock. i went through a beautiful big church,i saw a small house for dining. a good meal, I like the dessert too. After this big lunch,I wondered in town. i found Yale University is here, in New Haven. that surprised me. my friend Eric Shaoli Wang studied for his post-Ph.D on mathematics in this famous school. after graduation,he tried to find a job in the US,finally he accept a position from China.we may feel regret that Eric can't live in America, but God's will is higher than ours. if we live with God, doesn't matter where we live, we are already in heaven . That is eternal heaven.May God bless Eric with great career and a sweet home. after looking around in downtown,i went to thrift store, i bought a pair of shoes, a towel and a belt. the shoes are with holes on the top,i felt much better, it can breath some air. i had no towel in half month,I donated my towel to Andy my host in Erie. I used it as a rag to clean his house. my belt is wore out. it went inside two holes. i thought i might be losing weight.now i bought this shorter one, I use the last hole, if I eat more or get big, it will signal me. My backpack is getting old too, i guess it can't last two more months. I need replace it with a new one. I need socks too, This pair on my feet is from Dale, one of my sweetest hosts. When i was in Lincoln, the whole city was during construction. I did not made much money either. But I have some beautiful memory about Lincoln: they are fireflies and Dale's singing, and this pair of socks. The socks almost end their lives. But the fireflies are still flying, Dale's singing is still singing in my heart. It was very hot afternoon.I walked on the road. On the half way to Columbus house i met a black young man, he suggested me to take bus, i followed him to the bus station, I felt this might be even farther than Columbus house.When I got in bus and got out of bus, I felt it was really close. I thought I fell into Albert Einstein's theory of relativity. there were a group people waiting outside shelter.I was the last one on line. I am not afraid of waiting.my hands type iPod, or my mind talks to God. That is good time for me. I also can harvest a fruit of holy spirit: patience. A lady next me dressed in all black: from the scarf covering her head to the shoes on her feet. I guessed she is Arabian or muslim, or both. Her name is Falak. Falak is very friendly, she tried to help me to know the regulations, told me what time check in, what time check out. and eat,sleep, and lottery. Lottery? A lady worker came with a jar in her hand. Everyone in line took a ticket from the jar, there are a letter on the ticket, if you get B, you will sleep on bed, if you get C , you will sleep on C.I did not understand C is cushion or couch or something else, but I did not think it was chair. The later story was that after two days,I slept on S, --- street , when I was in New York. so fear not, C is welcome. my lottery is C2. This will be my dreamland tonight in New Haven. I just finished supper. I heard "I hate this place! I hate this place!"A man on another side of table was in his anger I got shook, not by him , it was by "hate". Does anyone "love" to stay in homeless shelter? this indeed is a place for love. God's love flows here and covers His children. Heartfelt thanks,guilty, debt,promise to payback.... That is me to shelter. Another time I was shaken by "hate" ,that happened in Safeway. There was a young lady, I noticed her face looked like angry all the time. Every morning when I came in, I said hi,hello, or good morning, or how are you to her, same time from my small eyes and big mouth,I always sent smile to her.she has never responded any sound or motion, even a glance. After a month,I knew her name is Jessica, so when I saw her, I said hi ,hello, good morning, how are you, Jessica. she had never seen me, she had never heard me. Several months passed. One morning, I came in and saw her," hi , Jessica, how are you?" miracle! I saw she looked like ready to speak to me. " that's you on highway 20 yesterday ? Wearing flowers clothes?" " yes, that's me." I went to Ukiah to play flute. " I hate hitchhiking!" I got shook .Lukily she did not drive to crash me and let me die. Otherwise she would be my angel who take me to see our heavenly Father. I immediately understood why she looked alway angry. There was hate in her heart. The later story was that Jessica gave me a little bit friendly smile as farewell before I left my job. At that evening or late afternoon, Jessica came to Deli to buy some cheese, I served for her. She asked about my leaving and my trip.she tried to show me her kindness, it was pretty difficult action for her face muscles to make a smile. But I have already felt the love from her. I had prayed for her. Hope she download all hate in her heart, full filled with God's love. Sometimes I even amazed by myself, I think I might spoke 100 times " hi, Jessica" ,"good morning Jessica, " during I worked in Safeway half year.before the final farewell I got only respond was " I hate hitchhiking !" Hate is a wall.God's blessings can't flow into you. Your heart will live in prison if you hate. I think the man who hates shelter is to hate his current situation,he wants to improve his life, he wants to have his own home. May God give him a thankful heart to receive His love. May God guide him to build his career and home. a girl was on cell phone, while talking, her emotion was getting excited, she was losing her temper, and finally outburst.Her voice was loud, she walked around and threw chairs away. I watched her and felt a little bit nervous , at least I did not want to get hurt from a flying chair.while she was calming down in actions, she started to cry, tears covered her face. A big sympathy was flowing in my heart, i wanted to walk to her and hold her in my arms, to tell her we all love you, you are beloved by God, we need to be patient, everything will be ok, life is beautiful. After dinner, it was shower time, when we were at the door to take stuff for shower, some reasons caused this same girl's anger out again. She shouted and beat the woman next to her. I was behind that woman, I quickly pushed her away, and put myself in the front of the crazy one, " it's ok, you are a good girl !" I pat her shoulder. I tried to calm her and encourage her to be good.thank God, i could take guts up in such situation.my third world background and my skin color have never been obstacles for me to receive God's grace,He gave me a brave heart. The lady worker declaimed to the girl: if you what what,you go out. The girl performed in same process: while calming down, she started to cry. I know that a angry person is normally a weak one, the patient person is stronger. She was quiet now , with tears on her face. I thought the worker's words worked out: she was afraid to sleep outside. That sentence was a threaten. That result would be a scary. I used have same feeling about staying outside at night. But God guided me and gave me a opportunity to help me conquer the fear. After the night on street in New York city, I think it is ok or may even pretty cool to sleep outside. The shower place is very pretty: big,clean,with full size mirrors on three walls. I looked this naked lady in mirrors: I think I am beautiful. Thank God for giving me such dressing. I should be able to find a family to host me. I looked at others, most of them are too heave, possibly the weight contributed them from men's love to God's love.that is ok, God's love is bigger than a man's love. but God 's some habit is same as a man: HE likes you are beautiful and healthy. Our body is the temple that holy spirit lives in, keep it in beauty is not only to cheer up men, that is also God 's will. While My roommates enjoyed watching movie in TV room, I laid on my lottery C2 typing iPod.it was just a common single bed. I did not know what difference between B and C, my dream is same sweet.