August 1, providence , 2nd night,

August 1, providence , 2nd night, Amy bought two blue berry muffins and a bottle of milk for me as breakfast, she dropped me in downtown. I like the river reflection as a mirror.Walking along such beautiful river in morning that was nice treat. I played flute in the bus station, I moved here to there within the spot. I saw a man wearing pink shirt went by me and came by me again , he has pretty good looking, neat dressing. I smiled at him every time when he passed by. In fact I smile at every one passing by me if my mouth is free from blowing flute. After a little while I moved to the CVS store, because I felt it was too noisy and smell bad in bus station. A pink shirt man passed me again, I don't remember I smiled or laughed aloud at him when I saw him the 3 rd time in different places around same area. I thought this man walked here and walked there, every time passed by me, that was interesting. The more interesting thing was that he came to me and stopped in the front of me. This was the fourth time I saw him within an hour. He asked what work you can do ? I said "I can clean house for you, or gardening. " he asked " can you massage?" "I have never done that". I thought about Yassee in Pheonix. I did massage for him. I thought massage needs professional certificate. It belongs doctor's group. "that's no problem. I pay you $50 an hour." " wow , that's good pay." I thought of Tom,my driver who lives in Petaluma, I worked whole day with him in Nevato , he paid me $60. That was very hard work. He even had no gloves for me. Time passed 3 months, there were still wounds on my arms until now. I thought even Yassee did not asked more than massage. that's ok, massage is just a treatment for physical, I may gave it a try. I read a article in Chinese Christian magazine, a Chinese lady Feishia gave me them. a doctor massage for a young man, made his eyes blind. After many years they found it was that doctor push wrong spot on his back. I was little nervous if I did something wrong that might made him disable in his rest life.I have no certifacate, I don't know the knowledge. But I wanted to try new things. My passionate for life overwhelmed my mind. I promised I like to try. " do you know massage? " " I know ." I put my two hands on his shoulders, do squeezing actions. I thought as though he wanted massage , so I put my hands on him , that's ok. His name is James. We walked to his car, I asked "do you live here?" I wanted know some information about him, anyway I still feel something different about massage. " No. I live in Boston. " I thought he stay in hotel." I have a friend , she does massage and akupunktura," " you have friend with you?" " no, just myself" , I immediately found I gave him a wrong answer. I remembered Christopher told me, don't show strangers what you fear. I should not tell a stranger, especially those who ask for massage, I have no friend in a new city. Tonight I will stay in Eric's home, he is my Couchsufing host, at least I should count Eric as my friend. we got in car, while he was driving, he asked me to give him a kiss, I started to feel nervous, i turned my face to the window to look outside. So he simply put his hands on my shoulder and kissed me. He asked "are you ok? "I collected some carourage to answer "i'm ok. " he may found I misunderstood "massage", he told me " massage is oral sex. " he pointed his mouth. " That was public place , there were many people there, so i didn't tell you." " do you want a try?" " yes or no?" " can you drive me back?" " where odo you want to go?" " the original place, the CVS store." " That's ok, if you don't want to do." James bought a hamburger for me as lunch. He told me ," there is another better place , I saw someone play saxophone there. " bus station is not good spot. There people have more money. " I asked him:" You are pretty handsome, why you want to do that?" " that's simple." I think good looking men have more women to love them. They are not short of love or sex. So they don't need to spend money to buy sex. I believe James 's answer is honest. That's simple. Maybe in somewhat I even agree with him, if you need sex, buy it , that's simply. If you want sex through love , that's long way to go, cost too much emotion , need too long time. I surely know how deep i love christopher, but i am even afraid to see his eyes. Sex with love , that's certainly more beautiful than simple sex. But simple made life easier, sometimes our life simply can't carry that much. If you are hungry, and you have money in pocket, buy to eat. You don't need have to compost soil,plant the seeds, water, harvest, cook.. And then eat. Such meal might be more tasty, might be made you exhausted before you enjoy it. Life is a journey, we still love to compost soil , plant the seeds, ... cook.. , even we did not eat. Someone likes to eat, someone likes to cook. That' s all ok. I don't think James is good or bad man because he asked for "massage". At least he gave me two choices " yes or no". At least he explained clearly what is massage before let me choose " yes or no" .and he is honest to himself and honest to me. That made things simple too. The worst thing in the world is lie. If James cheat me for " message " he will be another person. James dropped me at "the better spot " , and showed me where is bathroom if i need. I am sure he wanted to be good on me. He is not bad at all at this point. I guess there are many women who count the men as bad if they want sex.I really can't agree with that. If someone offers you a price to buy or rent your house, you may just tell him or her that you don't want to sell or rent your sweet home to others. Do you think that person is too bad because he want to buy your house? I believe that person just feel ok, or little bit lost if you say "No." He or she would not tear down your house or burn it in fire. Opposite, they like it, so they want to spend money to buy it. They may found its beauty than you know. The surprising thing is that continue 3 day there were someone asked for sex: my truck driver, my motorcycle driver, and James . If my drivers have such thoughts because of the physical distance in small space, but I met James in bus station, on street.a totally public place in the daytime around noon. James's request is beyond my thought.a woman playing flute on street, how can she make a man thinking of massage? Now I even think that James might be purposely to passe by me three times. This subject becomes hot. It happens three times within 8 days since I came back from Canada. That percent is much higher than i thought. It has never happened same thing in Canada. I think it might be because that American have more energy than Canadian. It looks I am more popular in east coast than other places. They three all are good men,in the end i was all very thankful to them. It was very windy afternoon. I played several songs in "better spot, " did not harvest anything . A man let me go. So I just go! I checked the map in ipod in Starbucks, and then walked to Eric's home. Amily was at home , she gave me a tour before Eric came back. There are 6 young people to live here, Amily told me, the house is able to sleep 17 people. So there are several empty rooms. If I wanted to clean house , there is plenty to do . I cleaned the big one in down stair, when Eric came back, he told me they will use it to practice singing tonight. He took me to the upstair, told me I can stay at that room. I cleaned that one too. A young man came , told me he will use it for massage. I thought " massage " or sex ? I moved my stuff to next room. I was tired, I didn't want more cleaning work . But everywhere is dirty and messy. I simply lay on couch, take break. I heard they sang in downstairs , it was a beautiful concert for my ears. After eating, I fall into sleep.