August 5 New York city I ate a bowl of cereal, I like this simple breakfast. It was close to 9:30am, we were leaving to church. Sine told me that Michael would go to another church because " we have different opinion." The church is in a park beside river, a garden is just nearby. the flowers in the garden are smiling in such sunny morning. Some people were already there, sitting on chair , or just a piece of sheet on ground. A young lady with beautiful dress is sending the church papers,she is rounded by several kids, girls and boys all are dressing up. They are so beautiful. God's children and the scene are perfect match. I immediately like this church, it is same as a party. I thought Sean might like it too. He doesn't go to church, one of the reasons is that he thinks church is "close", not "open". Here is open place . Any one who passes by here can be attracted and join in the worship. This is a good way to preach the good news. We don't need have to invite some one into a special building. anywhere we pray to God , worship the Lord of our lives, that is church. Jesus preached in boat on water, people listened to him while they were standing on bank. If our pastor does same on Big river, the congregation stand or sit on beach and listen his sermon, that 's cool. i thought i may give this suggestion to our pastor Don. and then i thought that might be little bit difficult for Mendocino people, most of them are older than 60,70, some more than 90 years old, if they sit on beach an hour, wind comes to comb their hair, sun comes to kiss their cheeks, temperature comes to play some games with their blood pressure... after these many visitors' visiting, angel may come to take some of them to see heavenly father. if we have 101 ways to cook eggs, we certainly can find many styles to worship God. God is happy that we worship Him, but God does not want us to feel boring. God even created woman for Adam in order to let him feel fun.even God Himself is holy Trinity, not alone. every color of the flowers in the garden is preaching God's love, boring is not God's will. We put the chairs next an elder lady in the first row, Sine told me Kathy is her best friend, she told her my story, the conclusion is " Spring is Californian girl." her meaning was that Californian are more progressive, the people in easy coast are more likely to stay at home. Sine introduced me to her several friends, she liked to say my Chinese name Jiuxin Hao, she was so happy to practice this hard pronunciation,it sounded a big fun for her to confuse others. finally we came to the pastor, her name is Carol, a beautiful lady. her smile and speaking and actions radiated cheerful feeling. the pianist was sitting in pavilion, he looked calm and happy for his job. Sine told me he is the pastor's husband.Carol is blessed, a woman preaches God, while her husband's love strengthens her.i thought of Sean, even the first time i went to church in the US, i couldn't understand much English at that time, it was myself alone. i think i am a very lucky woman, God's love strengthen me always. the communion is different from our church too. they use grape juice instead of wine. this is just what i want. we have two choices in our church, wine or grape juice, but i have not seen anyone used grape juice, so i am too shy to do that: take a piece of bread from this person's hand and simply ignore the person holding a cup next him, then go the table in the center of the front, to dip juice.i thought several times to use juice, but my courage is not big enough to conquer the yellow chicken. while the wine made me headache.i don't think Jesus would be happy for His little sister's headache. in fact i think water may be even better than grape juice. Jesus is living water, Jesus can turn water into wine. when pastor Carol took the bread to the congregation, i noticed the bread in her hand was a fat cross, i almost laughed aloud, the bread was so lovely, i felt it so funny. someone may think Lord's supper is not for fun. but what's wrong if we have fun? is that an obstacle for us to love Jesus deeply? our God is interesting God, not boring God. After church, i looked around on the river bank while Sine enjoyed the social time with her friends. this is indeed a beautiful place. some white birds were playing on the boats, they are happy because they know they are beautiful. this is my philosophy, if it is not my faith: i am happy because i know i am beautiful.my body has beautiful dressing that i received from God, my mind has beautiful thought that life teaches me, my heart has beautiful dreams that i want to pursue, and i have a beautiful friend---Jesus, His love covered my all flaws, made me perfect beauty.thank you, Lord Jesus, my savior. one bird alone on a stake above water, he stood there without any movement. he might be enjoying the view, and he is the view. and he is in the view. i can't imagine a bird without wings, a woman without dreams. the park was getting quiet while we "go in peace, go in love." the river was reflecting sunshine,the flowers in the garden were brewing fragrance. i will miss you, Norwalk Connecticut. Sine dropped me at the 95 south entrance. She watched me until I stood at the right place she pointed, until i held out the sign and thumbed up.suddenly i just wanted to cry.That was same as Pearl did. Pearl, a mother who lives in Norwalk California, she watched me, she hated to leave me along. the two Norwalk are 3000 miles away,the two mothers have same love, they wanted to send their all love to me through their sight. That love is tied on my heart. I can feel the strength pulled by their hands. It was about an hour driving distance to New York. Several cars transferred me. My last driver is a black young man, named Aphilia. in fact his skin color is similar or lighter than mine. i am dark enough to be black, so from time to time i make many small braids on my head, second day i can get curly hair after opening them.try to be black is for fun, because i can't become white.i am in good mood wearing my own color too. Aphilia drove me to New Rochelle, he did not let me to hitch hike, so he dropped me in the train station, gave me $10 for the ticket to New York. i miss his voice.i met several black who have very attractive voice.God blessed different race people with different gifts.so we can enjoy each other. the ticket is $7. it is an hour waiting. i sat on a bench in the corner,i thought there was still an hour, i may return or sell the ticket and then go to hitch hike.i really love hitchhiking even sometimes it is not easy.but i just can't refuse people 's kindness. i can't go to the window to return it and get the money back or sell it to other passenger.i feel that is almost lie. Aphilia gave me this $10, he specified the use, it is for the train ticket to New York,not for me to buy icecream or just keep it for the feeling to be rich. i am uncomfortable to lie and i have no courage against Aphilia - my sponsor's will. so i honestly bought the ticket and continued the waiting. it started raining outside. i thought that's right i take train. a man with beautiful suit was sitting next me, i was amazed by his eating style,the messy food was on his hands and mouth and face and bench. i thought he might be enjoying the relaxed time out of his shell. the people who wears expensive suit, tie and leather shoes may more desire to ease their nerve than those slipshod ones.also possibly he is new for the suit, his behavior is behind his dressing.or he is just he,this is his habit,he is a child of most high God. the train came in rain. i chose a seat beside a very young black man. if i have chance to choose, the younger one is mine. i have an old one in home, that is enough for me to see in the rest of my life. all the way except taking care a few glances to my neighbor, i looked at outside to try to catch some special view. the young man was busying on playing his iPhone until the end of the trip.he is in his world. "wow, cool!" , these were the first words I said when I got out of the train station.i am in New York City now. I walked arbitrarily, looked at everywhere i can look. thank God for giving me eyes i can see. even my eyes are small, but they function well. i wandered on Lexington street. It is full of beautiful works of human hands."wow,cool!" second time i spoke this. i spent plenty time on walking this way and that way, while my mouth was eating and my eyes were looking. it was getting late afternoon, I thought i need to find a place for the night, i checked map on iPod, put the salvation army as the goal. 2 or 3 miles is not big thing for me,even i had already walked a lot today.when i arrived my destination, i found the door was closed. there was a bell button showing hope, i pushed it, the man behind the desk waved to me, i understood this signal: he unlocked the door. i went in. there were two men on the job. they told me here is not a shelter.The older man printed a map, pointed me to another one, it is two miles away. both my heart and my legs were tired.i lost the interest in walking more to look for shelter today. after i left the salvation army, i found a spot to play music, hanging the sign to looking for a couch for tonight. i tried several different stores or street corners. the total harvest was $4 plus some cents. the sign did not bring my host either,just a man promised to go home to ask his wife. i am smart enough to understand this fairy tale, Brett of Norwalk has taught me the lesson. in this dark drizzle evening of New York, but i can't wipe the memory of a smile and a cent.while i was playing flute, i noticed a young man bowed down body to put a cent in my tip hat and lifted up his face to smile at me, and then he kept his original speed to continue his road.it happened in only 1 or 2 seconds, he might never know what he left in my heart.he smiled, he might thought that was funny he gave a street performer a penny.this smile may be more likely for fun than from friendship.doesn't matter what his smile is from or for, what i received is a beautiful smile and a reminder"IN GOD WE TRUST". i thank this great country for printing God on money, on every cent.when we use money, we pass out or receive "IN GOD WE TRUST".that's the reason i always pick up a penny i found on street, kitchen,toilet, or anywhere, even it is very dirty.there is "God" on it, i don't want people step on "God" under their feet without any feeling. i am not idoist.someone may think that is just a word, but i look it as money and a reminder of our faith.in law we respect currency, and in God we trust. thank you, a donor of a smile and a cent,a stranger who passed by me in hurry, we met in the street of New York, when i did not know where i would sleep for the night. the drizzle became downpour. i stayed in a shop doorway from the rain.an elder woman with a full cart of things was waiting her traspotation.after she knew that i am a needy person, she tried to ask every one who passed through the door, "can you give this lady a place to sleep?" while she couldn't offer me a couch because she lives Manhattan,even i told her Manhattan works well for me. in this world there many people are like this woman, they know how good that is , but they can't do by themselves, so they hope others go to do. look around, perhaps we all have several friends are such style persons,they have good intention but weak on actions.they admire those doing good for others, but they can't give a hand. i have to admit, not only my friends, this happened on small me too. the rain was getting slow. i walked out to look for Starbucks for using internet. i saw a McDonald, it has free WiFi too. i really had comfortable two hours in a big chair at a corner. McDonald is 24 hours open, i thought i may just stay here for tonight and type iPod. tomorrow i can sleep under trees or on bench in daytime. a man came to me, "You didn't order anything , you are here two hours!" I guessed he is supervisor, if not manager.he is not white, not black, not Asian, so he might be from middle east, or "other" race on official form when you fill out. "Yes. you are right." i responded. "You go out!" he shouted. "Why should i go out? this is store doing business.it is open to anyone." i had very good record at argument in my history, i lived on that for 4 years and made well deposit in bank. but i quilted that job. God changed me.Solomon said it is better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.he spoke second time,it is better to live in the desert than with a nagging wife. Solomon had too many wives, if one wife spoke one sentence, that would be 1000 sentences. so he knew that bitterness is deeper than ocean. my husband Sean has(had) 4 wives totally, currently only one. thank God, He reminds me to check myself every day, i absolutely shut down all "arguments" within three sentences between Sean and me.the purpose i live on earth is to enjoy a peaceful beautiful life, not to win a argument. many years ago i decided not to argue with women. woman are too small, they don't worth you to do that. what you can do for women is love, enjoy, tolerant and forgive. if necessary, i only argued with men. that was my mistake, i should not argue with men either. men are too big, i never can win men. God put power and glory on them, i admire and respect men. right now, this man let me go out, and out is drip-drip-drip raining same as a nagging wife. this man was meeting my biggest anger in recent years. "It's 2am, you let a woman go out.God have mercy!" "i will call police!" "if a police car comes here, is that good for me? good for you? good for your store? good for New York city?" about "police" this issue, my mind is always clear, i never want to stir up a trouble. when i played music in some places, it happened several times that the security guard or manager was unfriendly ,"i will call police!" i smiled," Don't call police.you don't need do that big action, i leave right now. " even i like to see handsome policemen in uniform, if i say "you call police! you call! you call now!" that will become a provocation, it will make small thing big.it will cost too much than surrendering your dignity.i like to try to make small money big if i can, but not a trouble. i promised i will buy something every other hour. that's their legal period. in fact i was not hungry, i ate while i was sitting here, the food was leftover hamburger from another McDonald.i don't know what policy they have if someone buy in that McDonald store and eat in this McDonald store. but buy something that's ok for me, because i need to eat anyway. "Go to buy!" oh, my, i thought this man is the worst person i have ever met in the past 5 years. i say the worst, not means he is killer or even just a cheater. i think his is too "hot" for his job - deal with customers in restaurant. i bought a hamburger meal, and sat back on my place. i thought of this man, he reminded me what Christopher said about Yassee. Yassee is one of my hosts, he is from Afgnistan. when i was in Phoenix, he kept me a night. at that night i was in his garage first, later was moved on the guest room floor, without permitting to use the bed and blanket. after knowing the story of Yassee, Christopher wrote this email to analyze the background of the story: the people in Middle East look women as subhuman."that is in their blood, from generation to generation." i don't think Christopher is racist, otherwise we can't be friends. i don't think Yassee is bad, he is much better than those who did not "see" me. i think he even much better than Jane Yan Yan, my husband Sean Wills' beloved student and 20 years dearly friend, from my hometown and my motherland.so what about middle east? life, we have too much to learn. and i did not know this "other" man is from middle east or whose hometown whose motherland, i did not know if he is better than those who did not "see" me. he looked like "see" only me. the man came to me again, told me they were going to close, so let me go out. i saw there were about 15 people here, plus downstairs, that would be around 30 people, there is 24 hour open writing on the door, now he told me they were closing.my first buy went on only half way of the legal period. i knew he fell in a special channel, his mind worked in that channel, and couldn't get out of it. i became a log in his eyes, a nail in his hands and feet. he felt pain when he saw me, when he thought of me. i agreed with him, i go out, i thought "out" might be not so terrible. i asked to use bathroom, that big cup cola was well done in my body in such raining night. he said the bathroom is broken. that happened so quick? i used it an hour ago, and now it is broken? that's ok, i knew he was in emergency to pick the log out of his eyes.he is not killer, but i thought he has already become a cheater. i packed iPod, book, note papers and food in bag, and was ready to leave. i saw the man was beside the counter.I walked to him and asked "what is your name?" there was some uneasy look drifted on his face. he might thought i would complain him to his boss. "I have no name." he responded in tender voice after hesitation in a few seconds. "Don't worry, I will not tell your boss.i never do that. i pray for you, i will lift you to God, God know your name." anyway i still liked to give some my opinions to him about his job. he was pretty calm when he listened to that. i told him he may "suggest" not "force" costumers to buy.he may say "you are important for our business. i hope you order something and enjoy here, we are open 24 hours, if you buy something every two hours, you are welcome to stay here whole night, we have TV downstairs. there is motel nearby too, if you need." he indeed gave me a hotel name, told me it is $25, how many blocks away. i saw that hotel when i walked through Lexington street in daytime, i doubted its price so cheap, and i did not want to walk how many blocks at night in rain. it was 3am. I left McDonald. i felt a real need of release.I saw a black man on the corner, it was hard to see him because of his color and night color and his location.i saw him when i almost passed by him. I asked him where is bathroom. He pointed me the Deli store on the next street corner. confidence was feeding my heart, even i was out only 2 minutes. a black man with black clothes in the black corner in rainy night, that did not scare me at all. opposite, he helped me. this black experience strengthened me. I went there. the store was in an atmosphere of joy. there were a group young men playing cards around a table, they were laughing in English and speaking in Bengali. as the shop clerk pointed me, I squeezed through by the happy table to upstairs. if i gained 30 lbs, perhaps I need to "squeeze" into this bathroom too. luckily we all lose weight when i get out of bathroom. so i was successful in this round trip. I went back to downstairs, asked the clerk to recharge my iPod, he couldn't help. a young man beside me was buying sandwich, " I recharge it for you." his name is Ali, from Sudan." you're from Africa? but your looking is totally white!" i was surprised. "Mixed." he laughed. Ali works in the booth on another street nearby,we walked to his booth. there are many these style booths on the streets of New York, they sell something simple cooked food. Ali works on night shift, tomorrow morning 8am he will go home.he lives in Brooklyn, there the rent is cheaper than New York. he plugged my iPod on the socket. after finishing the sandwich, he started to work, not serve for customers, this was 4,5 am, there was no people waiting for hotdog. he cleaned pot, stove, and refrigerator and so on. while my iPod was recharging, I sat on Ali's electric motorcycle under the eaves of a big store. the bike is really small, i even worried if it is strong enough for my weight. i also need to fold my actions, so i could keep myself staying on it. the bike was made in China, i guessed Ali reads the dashboard by his knowledge, if not by the Chinese characters. the interesting thing is that Ali's girlfriend is Chinese. that might be a part of the reason he bought this bike, economic and love. Ali came into the US two years ago, he told me he slept in subway for the first 4 nights, finally the people from his homeland helped him out. so he suggested me to go to Chinatown,"you will get help from them." i thought of Jane, i wrote two emails to ask for a place to stay for two nights and offered to clean house, what i got was a long article and another long article. so i wrote the third email to her, the title was "cancel the request to stay at your home." i wrote this email on a lie," i have a couchsurfing friend, i will stay at his home." i think my husband Sean makes friends by his personal hobby, not by his wisdom and God's love. Jane is Sean's 20 years friend, we share same hometown, same motherland. Jesus ,who is my neighbor? or whose neighbor am i ? i really wish Ali suggestion worked on me. and now Ali, a mixed white african is my good Samaritan. Ali was lucky, the people who helped him were blessed. thank you, Ali, for helping me to recharge my iPod and sharing time tonight. especially, thank you, Jane, for giving me the opportunity, it strengthened me. i can declare to night: i fear not! God can use anyone to be our blessing, some blessings are in disguise, we may can't recognize them immediately, but that is just God plan to prepare you for His goal. thank you, Jane. thank you , the no name man of McDonald. thank you , God, the Lord of my life, i understand You are preparing me for a bigger trip. the rain stopped, it was getting light. I took the iPod and thanked Ali.i was ready on road. the night was passed, a new day was beginning...